it's a pokemon world
by quillquate
Summary: In a world where warlords and Pokemon co-exist in order to take over kingdoms, Tsuna is just a little confused why a baby with a fedora (in Japan!) is standing on his front doorstep. (In which there are Pokemon and conquests to embark on, but everything else pretty much stays the same. Including Reborn's penchant of making Tsuna's life miserable. It kind of sucks.)
1. a wild REBORN appears! RUNNING failed!

Tsuna's favorite day of the week is Sunday. There are many reasons for this.

One, Sunday signifies the end of a long, grueling week of working full-time at a restaurant. Tsuna swears that God purposely gave him the one job he sucks at. Working around hot water and breakable plates? He probably gets more fines than bills paid.

Two, nothing important/terrifying/embarrassing _ever_ happened on a Sunday. The day that chihuahua chased him down the street? Tuesday. The day that Tsuna set the record for most broken china? Saturday.

So _why_ is this happening to him?

Tsuna stares silently at the fedora-wearing baby whose beady eyes are staring right back at him. _Who, in this day and age, wears a suit like, like some kind of Westerner?_ he wonders, looking down at his own simple yukata. "W-who are you?" Tsuna says. "Are you lost?"

"I'm right where I need to be. You are Sawada Tsunayoshi, correct?" the baby responds.

 _How does he know my name?_ Tsuna internally screams.

"Your father told me."

 _And he can read minds?_

"No, you're just extremely open," the baby tells him with a smirk. Tsuna's pretty sure that the baby isn't just a baby, though. The unholy gleam in his (its?) eyes is terrifying, even on chubby features. Suddenly, a pink blob comes out of nowhere. He takes a step back in surprise. It kind of looks like jello and- holy shit, it has eyes. _Wait a second,_ Tsuna thinks, feeling extremely stupid, _that's a Ditto._

"You have a bond with a Pokemon at such a young age?" Tsuna asks in surprise. He had been eight when he bonded with his own Pokemon, and _that_ was considered early. This only reaffirms his suspicion that there is something weird going on.

"I'm not as young as I look," the baby (what's his name?) says mysteriously.

"O-kay, then," he says, a little creeped out. "I'm just going to close the door and pretend this never happ- WHY DO YOU HAVE A GUN."

"The better to shoot you with, m'dear." And if that's not weird then Tsuna's going to scream about the injustice of it all. The gun blinks as Ditto's features merge on the metal. _Oh,_ Tsuna thinks faintly. _His Ditto can turn into a weapon. Why not?_ Tsuna then hears pattering footsteps from behind and turns around to see Eevee peek in.

"EEVEE," he whisper-screams. "HELP ME."

"My name's Reborn, by the way," the intruder on his front step says conversationally.

"EEVEE, VEE," Eevee whisper-screams back.

They understand each other _so_ well. But it's kind of sad how alike they are; they've even got the same levels of uselessness.

"Ditto!" the pink gun a.k.a. Ditto inserts randomly.

"...I thought Japanese people were supposed to be polite," says Reborn, looking a bit irritated. "Aren't you going to invite me inside?"

"Why would I do that, you creepy little baby who probably doesn't have a soul?" Tsuna snipes. Probably not a good idea when the target of his sass has a gun, but oh well.

"Tsu-kun? What's the matter?" To make things worse, his own mother, Nana, walks in. Her Cottonee is trailing behind her, letting out puffs of fluff that would definitely be a pain to clean up later. "Oh, is this baby lost?"

"Mom, I don't think you should-"

Reborn, who, as Tsuna is quickly learning, is a little shit, flips his entire personality as he bats eyelashes and says sweetly, "Yes, I am. But your son wouldn't help me at all. H-he's so mean!"

"Tsu-kun!" Nana scolds. She puts her hands on her hips and stares down at Tsuna, disappointment clear in her brown eyes. "How could you pick on such an adorable child?"

"BUT HE ISN'T," Tsuna wails, Eevee shrieking right besides him. Even Cottonee looks a little apprehensive, her golden seed-like eyes narrowing just a little. They turn into little slits when Reborn's Ditto reemerges from somewhere and sticks out a tongue.

"Oh, nonsense. Come inside, you can have some of Mama's sugar cookies." Reborn shoots Tsuna a triumphant look. Not that he notices, Tsuna is too busy drowning in misery.

"He's probably in some kind of crime syndicate," Tsuna mutters as he eventually stands up to go to his room. Eevee nods, jumping up to settle in his hair. "Don't do that," he reprimands weakly.

 _It's a Sunday,_ Tsuna thinks, trying to resist the urge to tear out his hair. _These are supposed to be_ good _days._

* * *

Meanwhile, Lady Fate is swinging around Heaven with a whiskey bottle in her hand. Whooping loudly, she bounces on the white clouds, even though it shouldn't be scientifically possible. (Then again, it _is_ Heaven.) "Ha!" Lady Fate shouts loudly, hiccuping. "Look at ickle little Tsunayoshi, so poor and alone in the world except for his little Eevee." She takes another swig. "Well! That's about to change! His world is going to be so pear-shaped that, that he won't even know what's up or down anymore."

"Lady Fate?" a passerby angel says hesitantly. "Should...should you be doing this to an innocent sixteen-year-old?"

"Pfft," she replies eloquently. "At least he'll have friends, I guess. Crazy ones, but friends."

"And that makes everything better, why?"

"Because friends! Magic, ponies, flames, the Chosen One!"

"What was that last one?"

"Oh, nothing."


	2. in which everyone screws up

"What do you want to drink, Reborn-kun?" Nana asks, bustling about in the kitchen. She is in her element; cooking always had been her forte.

And her godly sugar cookies. It's universally acknowledged that Sawada Nana makes the best damn sugar cookies and if anybody disagrees, they must have a ten-foot pole up their-

Anyways.

Reborn is sitting in their living room, as serene as can be. His feet are splayed out wildly, unlike Tsuna's whose feet are tucked neatly under him. _Maybe a foreigner,_ Tsuna thinks. _A foreigner from another planet where pointing guns at strangers is socially acceptable._ He fidgets nervously as he plays with a loose thread hanging out from the yukata that his dad had shipped him from God knows where. _Off to be a samurai, yeah right_. He's interrupted from his rapidly darkening thoughts when Reborn calls out, "Espresso, please."

 _What the heck is an 'espresso?'_ Nana's face looks confused as well. "I'm afraid I don't know what that is. I have some tea, or milk if you would prefer."

"Tea's fine," Reborn replies. "Espresso is a drink native to Italy, where I come from."

"Eeee." Eevee nudges Tsuna's side and plops himself right on his lap. He lets out a sigh of contentment while Tsuna just sighs for...for the sake of sighing.

"Eevee are notoriously rare," Reborn says.

"Oh, um, well. I just kind of ran into Eevee when I was a little kid. I wasn't trying to look for him or anything, I just kind of found him."

For some reason, Reborn nods approvingly. "Having a rare Pokemon can boost your public image as a warlord." He pets the pink blob besides him with a satisfied look.

"...I'm not a warlord." If he was, Aurora would be in shambles. Tsuna shudders as he imagines the kingdom of Aurora falling into a state of poverty. _Looks like Dame-Tsuna screwed everything up again,_ the citizens would say darkly. Thank God he's not, Lord Nono does his job perfectly fine and doesn't need a boy fresh out of school messing it up.

"Oh, I haven't said why I came here, right? I'm here to make you a proper warlord as decreed by Iemitsu."

Tsuna can feel his ordinary lifestyle cracking into bits and scattering away in the wind.

 _I take everything I thought earlier back. Apparently, Lord Nono wants to hand his job off to a boy fresh out of school who'll mess everything up._

* * *

"Can you believe that? A baby said I'm supposed to _rule Aurora!_ I can't- that's an awful prank if it is one."

"Is there something wrong with being a baby?"

"Of course not, but what kind of person trusts a baby with a Pokemon that can turn into guns that can shoot _bullets_!"

"Watch that plate, Tsuna. If you drop it…."

"Alright, got it. So, what do you think?"

"I do believe that I know who you're talking about. Is this baby named Reborn, by any chance?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Just someone I know through unusual circumstances."

"You're not just a prodigy child, are you. If you were, you wouldn't know a self-proclaimed hitman."

"Tsuna…"

"Have you been lying to me ever since I started working here? I guess the 'uncle' that runs this restaurant doesn't exist either, does he? Well?"

"Tsuna-"

The door slams shut as the brown-haired boy storms out, eyes on the verge of tears and cheeks flushed. A boy who looked no older than six sits on the counter, legs swinging back and forth. He sighs and says ruefully, "Ah, looks like I screwed up again." The boy leans back, eyes taking in the Chinese lantern dangling from the ceiling. "I wonder why."

"Rua, zor," a Zorua barks, pushing comfortingly at his side. His button nose presses against the red pacifier for a fleeting second. The boy's image flickers suddenly until it settles on a baby dressed in red, looking very, very, small.

"I wonder why," he repeats.

* * *

Tsuna knows that he's being unfair to Fon. He had lashed out suddenly with no rhyme or reason. Everybody has secrets that should always stay behind lock and key. But all the pressure from today is weighing on his shoulders and crushing him to the ground. Usually, he would talk it out with Fon, but Tsuna's pretty sure that's not a good idea after running out on him. (And isn't that sad, that his only friend is a six-year-old child.)

"I feel really bad, though," he says miserably into Eevee's fluffy collar. Eevee turns around and gives him a reprimanding look. _Then apologize!_ he seems to be saying.

"But I can't! Fon-kun probably hates me now," he protests weakly. Tsuna knows that he's just making up excuses at this point; the Fon he knows is practically a saint and abounds in kindness.

But still.

"Eevee, vee vee!" Eevee says with narrowed eyes.

"Why do you choose now of all times to grow a spine?" Tsuna wonders out loud.

Eevee looks mortally offended as he responds with more barking. Tsuna sinks back into his bed with a _whump_. If Reborn hadn't been wandering around ( _doesn't he have a home?),_ he would've started screaming into his pillow. Instead, he opts for staring at the ceiling dotted with glow-in-the-dark stars. After about five minutes, Tsuna says, "Why me?" because deep inside, he knows Reborn wasn't lying when he said that Tsuna, _Dame-Tsuna_ , is going to be a warlord. He isn't too surprised when he doesn't get an answer (because that would mean Pokemon can talk, which is impossible.)

Sunday night, Sawada Tsunayoshi falls asleep with one friend lost temporarily, one tutor gained by force, and one companion that will always stay by his side, through hell and back.


	3. watch out for kids carrying explosives

Hayato is lost. It's a simple fact, but one he can't accept. He's supposed to be in a kingdom called Viperia. And his partner Pokemon is no use; for a dog Pokemon, it's weird and downright frustrating that Herdier has no sense of direction. Said Pokemon is currently frolicking in the greenery and having a grand ol' time.

 _Well,_ Hayato thinks fiercely, _it's Aneki's fault for not even getting me a map. What the hell does 'east and above the legs' mean?_

 _...Am I even_ going _east?_

No, he is not, as he finds out from a nearby old man. "In fact," the old man tells him with a genial smile, "you're directly opposite from Viperia! You're in Aurora."

The fact that the old man continues to smile as Hayato is visibly distressed makes him want to punch his lights out. He's actually kind of proud of his restraint, to be honest."So I'm nowhere near where I need to be," he says with gritted teeth.

"Yes. Are you alright? You're looking quite red."

"I'm fine!" He stomps away angrily with Herdier trailing at his heels. _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ Hayato berates himself.

Herdier says, ' _Are you okay, Haya-tan?'_ from a far off distance.

"Don't call me that!" Hayato hisses under his breath. Not looking where he's going, he lets out a grunt of surprise when he bumps into something. "Watch where you're going!"

"S-sorry, but I really need to go somewhere-"

"Whatever." Hayato starts to walk off but turns back around when he notices that Herdier is missing. "...You've got to be kidding me."

* * *

So apparently Tsuna is a Pokenapper now. This is what he thinks as he stares blankly at the Herdier barking playfully at his Eevee. Eevee, not noticing his inner turmoil, wags his tail excitedly and bounds off to play tag or whatever the heck they're doing.

 _Okay, Tsuna,_ Tsuna tells himself, _All you've got to do is walk around looking for a worried owner. No big deal. Except what if they think I stole their Pokemon on purpose and press charges on me and then I get thrown to jail? Actually, that might not be too bad. I'm pretty sure you can't be a warlord if you're locked up behind bars. No, no, no, it's bad to be a criminal no matter what the benefits._

"Hey, you!" shouts a voice. Tsuna looks around for a good thirty seconds. "I'm over here, dumbass!"

His eyes land on a silver head that looks familiar for some reason. Then Tsuna realizes that he should probably run away because _he has dynamites._ Slowly, he beckons to Eevee and mouths, _Run_. Tsuna really doesn't want to mess with a gangster or whatever the hell the boy is so: flee. Get away. Whatever.

Tsuna inhales deeply before yelling, "THERE'S AN ARMED BO-" and is immediately knocked to the ground for his efforts.

"Shut _up_!" the boy hisses to him. "I just wanted to say that's my Pokemon you have there!"

"Oh," Tsuna says stupidly.

"Yeah, 'oh.'"

"Then the dynamites?"

The boy looks embarrassed. "Precautions."

What.

"Against what?" Tsuna frantically gestures at himself. He knows painfully well that he's underweight and skinny as a stick to boot. While girls might aim for that kind of thing, boys want to be tall and strong. Which he's not. A breeze might be enough to knock Tsuna over.

"Well, that's what I'm here to change." Reborn drops in out of nowhere and lands squarely on his head. Ignoring Tsuna's squeak of pain, he peers at the boy and remarks, "You're Gokudera Hayato the Smoking Bomb, aren't you?"

"...Is that a hooker name?"

"NO," the boy yells, looking mortified. Meanwhile, Herdier seems to have remembered that he has an owner and wanders over to the newly named Hayato. He tugs at Hayato's coat, making Hayato say irritably, "Stop it."

"He's a hitman," Reborn announces and honestly, Tsuna isn't that surprised. _Weird things have been happening lately,_ he thinks grimly.

Hayato, with eyes shining, says, "You've heard of me? Wow, such a great person like Reborn-san knows my name!" Reborn says nothing.

"So, um, Hayato-san-"

"Show some respect! I don't want some stranger calling me by my first name!"

"Sorry," Tsuna apologizes. "It's just that, well, a lot of people here have the same last name so, um…"

"If anything, _you_ should show some respect," Reborn interrupts smoothly. "He is the next warlord of Aurora, after all." Tsuna wonders why Reborn's suddenly speaking up for him when it seems to be his life goal to make him miserable. It's a nice change of pace, though. Not like that's going to last for long, but still.

"This little shrimp?" Haya- _Gokudera_ lets out a derisive snort. " _I_ could do a better job."

"Then why don't you two battle?"

"No," Tsuna says. "No, no, no, _no._ "

"What's the point?" Gokudera responds flippantly. "I don't need to prove my strength to Shrimpy here."

"You could move up in ranks. I'm the Strongest Hitman in the World, after all."

"Done."

"WHAT," Tsuna says flatly.

"Congratulations, Dame-Tsuna! You get to experience your first real battle!"

"W-what if Eevee doesn't want to battle?" Tsuna asks desperately. "Look, he and Herdier look like they're good buddies already, you don't want to break that beautiful friendship, right?"

Reborn smiles sickeningly sweet. "Don't you know? Battling with each other also promotes respect amongst Pokemon. So it's a win-win situation."

"Moving up in ranks," Tsuna hears Gokudera say thoughtfully. To his terror, the other boy seems to be very interested in the prospect. Gokudera then turns around and looks at Tsuna right in the eye. "As long as I beat Shrimpy…" He squeaks in fear and backpedals away. _I really, really, really don't want to do this!_

"Unfortunately, you don't have a choice," Reborn says with that super creepy mind-reading technique of his.

Tsuna somehow manages to restrain himself from screaming hysterically.

* * *

"Okay, Eevee. We can do this. E-even if we failed Battling in school. We just got to believe in ourselves!" Eevee gives Tsuna an unimpressed stare. "...Try our best?" Tsuna says weakly.

Battling is _horrible_. Eevee is actually decent; Tsuna is another story. Everyone has to battle alongside their Pokemon. It's a fact. When they had been in school, they weren't allowed to kill each other so most students used a bokken or their fists. Tsuna had hit himself with his own bokken about a million times and don't even get him started on his feather-touch punches.

Basically, Tsuna is dead.

Especially since Gokudera has _dynamites_.

(He's pretty sure that those hurt.)

"Begin."

* * *

Hayato realizes that there's something wrong with Sawada Tsunayoshi about ten minutes in.

He can't seem to understand Pokemon at all. When Sawada's Eevee had shouted at the other boy to dodge one of the dynamites, he had panicked and was just barely saved by Eevee's Tackle. _The whole point of Warriors,_ Hayato thinks, _is that they can communicate with Pokemon like they're another extension of their body. That's why not everybody can be one._

 _So why?_

' _Haya-tan, I think Eevee's aiming for your stomach!'_ Herdier barks. Hayato snaps to attention along with a "Don't call me that!" He digs out a few smoke-bombs to distract the enemy Pokemon. For now, he'll tuck his thoughts away and think about them later. He had to concentrate.

After Eevee's attack fails, he dashes off with Sawada. To run away, probably. _Like a coward,_ Hayato thinks. _But I really need to get more jobs, so I should win this quickly._ "Double Bombs!" he calls out. He slides a few more dynamites between his fingers. Hayato watches in satisfaction as they arc perfectly. Somehow, Sawada and his Pokemon dodge.

"Do we have to fight?" Sawada shouts while panting for breath. Pathetic. He hadn't even landed a single hit. Aurora had a bleak future in front of her if this is her future leader.

"If you have enough energy to talk, then _fight_! Herdier, let's use our combo move!"

 _Ready when you are!_

Hayato can feel adrenaline rushing through his body as he preps for the finishing move. Herdier shifts next to him and then he finally unleashes his attack. _Sorry, kid. Looks like it's over._

"Triple Bomb!"

' _Hyper Beam!'_

And then it all goes to hell.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm sorry, I _really_ can't write action scenes ahaha.


	4. the story of how a bunny ends up in hell

It all happens so fast. Tsuna had been squeezing his eyes shut for the impact (he's a coward, after all) until something ringing in his mind tells him that something is wrong.

Very wrong.

He carefully opens his eyes and stares in horror as a single dynamite slips from Gokudera's fingers. Herdier ceases charging for his super attack and freezes, much like his partner. Gokudera is staring, fear flashing across his face. It lands on the ground with a _thump_ and starts fizzing and-

 _I need to save him,_ something in Tsuna thinks, eerily calm. He feels his feet moving and disregards Eevee trying to pull him back by tugging at his yukata, he keeps moving and he sees his hand stretch out, his mouth forming words that he can't hear and looks at Gokudera's terrified green eyes and-

 _Time's up._

Bright light dances and heat expands, but Tsuna isn't done. Yanking the other boy's shirt, he manages to pull Gokudera to safety while kicking Herdier to the side ( _Sorry,_ Tsuna thinks guiltily). Thankfully, Eevee hadn't followed him to his mad dash so he's safe too. Hopefully. Tsuna would never be able to forgive himself is Eevee got hurt because of him.

Tsuna can feel himself losing consciousness. Black dots flicker in his vision and this time, he allows it to. He finished his main goal, after all. The flaming orange in his eyes dies out as he closes his eyes. The enveloping darkness is comforting, wrapping him in its warm embrace (that's probably the fire burning him inside-out but that's not the point).

For a second, though, he sees a dash of red flying towards him.

* * *

"Fon," Reborn says evenly. "What a surprise."

"Hello, Reborn." Disguised as being six, the not-child bows his head slightly before narrowing his eyes. "Tsuna would've died." _It would've been your fault_ hangs in the air like a million-pound weight. Reborn doesn't dignify that with a response.

"Don't try to not dignify that with a response."

Reborn huffs. "Nono wants him to be the warlord of Aurora. If he dies from something like that, he's not fit to be the warlord of Aurora."

Fon turns and stares at him with an unimpressed look. Reborn suppresses the urge to fidget. _He always has been unparalleled at making people feel guilty,_ he thinks sourly.

They both hear a groan of pain before Gokudera stirs with hands on his head. He blinks dazedly and after remembering the prior events, rushes over to say in one breath, "Is he okay is he going to die oh my God it's all my fault isn't it-" before Reborn knocks him out with a swift chop to the head. Herdier falls to the ground like his strings had been cut. Eevee, meanwhile, is trying to maul Reborn which doesn't really work despite them being similar sizes.

"So," Fon begins, "my point is this; you hurt Tsuna and I'll end you."

"Protective, aren't you," Reborn replies dryly. But nevertheless, he agrees grudgingly. The other child (baby? man?) bows his head and disappears in a flash, only leaving dust trails in his wake. Reborn turns to look at the slumped bodies of Gokudera and his partner and the Pokemon biting into his arm.

"I don't suppose you'll help me drag them back, will you?" Reborn asks Eevee.

' _No_ ,' Eevee says.

Figures.

* * *

Tsuna wakes up to see a red-eyed face with horns looming over him. _Great,_ he thinks. _I'm in hell._

"Silly Tsu-kun!" Nana says cheerfully. "Mu-chan is a Houndoom! Isn't your father so nice to get you another Pokemon?"

"I already have Eevee!" he protests loudly.

"You can have more than one partner, you know." Nana pets Cottonee lovingly before saying, "Rest up and get better soon! Maybe next time you'll learn that you shouldn't run near fires!" She exits the room, the door slamming ominously. He turns towards Houndoom who is currently staring at him with a creepy smirk.

 _Isn't your father so nice to get you another Pokemon?_

" _Dick,_ " Tsuna says feelingly. He vows to never forgive Iemitsu (this goes right under abandoning Nana on his list of 'Iemitsu Screwups') and flops back on his pillow, narrowly missing his new partner Pokemon. Tsuna barely manages to stop his voice box from screaming until it breaks from frustration. _Why,_ he bemoans.

'Mu-chan' laughs. ' _What a funny little bunny you are, Tsunayoshi._ '

Tsuna really does scream this time.


End file.
